1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,075
'Sometimes, you get a good Thursday,

3
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:24,789
'sometimes a bog-standard Thursday,
sometimes a shit Thursday.'

4
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,836
This Thursday was mental.

5
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,833
Thursday night in Babylon used to be
'70s night but they changed it.

6
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,150
Thursday night is '90s night,

7
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,471
which makes you feel ancient.
Thanks very much.

8
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,519
I spent all night chasing after some bloke
who turns out to be mad.

9
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:45,549
Like, really mad. He had
every episode of Juliet Bravo on tape.

10
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,313
(Dance music, chatter)

11
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,836
'So, it's getting late, lights on.

12
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:57,392
'I haven't copped off,
Phil's not copped off and Stuart... '

13
00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,869
Stuart's copped off.

14
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,951
Oi, Vince!

15
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,316
Wait there. Don't move.

16
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,280
- Where are you going?
- You've copped off.

17
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,830
- I'm just getting his telephone number.
- Did he swallow it?

18
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:21,391
I'll be ten minutes. Wait by the Jeep.
You've gotta get me home. Wait for me!

19
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:25,473
So, he brings the car,
gives you the keys so you can't drink,

20
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,630
then he buggers off. Nice system.

21
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,508
- I'll give him ten minutes. I don't mind.
- He's still looking.

22
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,989
- He is not.
- He is so.

23
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,117
(Vince) He's all muscles.
I don't cop off with muscles.

24
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,556
I mean, what happens?
He takes his kit off - Marky Mark.

25
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,756
I take mine off - Norman Wisdom.

26
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:47,709
I had a bloke with muscles once. Great.
Like being let loose on a bouncy castle.

27
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,792
- He's still looking.
- (Cockney accent) Shut it!

28
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,836
- Shut it!
- Pat'll go mad.

29
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,638
- Shut it!
- (Horn beeps)

30
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:58,793
'Sometimes, you're halfway through
a shag and you just get bored of him.

31
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,031
'So you wank him off in a doorway
and move straight on.

32
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,271
'Cos you keep on looking.
That's why you keep going out.

33
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,672
'There's always a new bloke, a better
bloke, just waiting round the corner.

34
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,149
'And that was the night he came along.

35
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,993
'The one-night stand
that never went away.'

36
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,790
(Music, chatter)

37
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:31,478
Excuse me... I'm just looking.
I mean, what's the best place to go?

38
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:35,872
Depends on what you're after.
If you want bastards, you go in there.

39
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,554
And if you want wankers, go in there.

40
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:42,713
And if you want selfish, little,
mincing, piss tart dickheads,

41
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,997
then pick a building, any building.
It's full of them.

42
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:49,914
(Woman) Bernie!
Don't be so daft. Don't listen to her.

43
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,594
It's just a T-shirt!

44
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,958
She's off her head,
she's been drinking! Bernie!

45
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,310
(* Indigo: Haven't You Heard)

46
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:46,917
* I've been looking for you
* Haven't you heard

47
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,798
* Oh, I've been looking... *

48
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:56,118
The first time I copped off,
I was in school.

49
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,760
Mr Daniels, PE.

50
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:03,436
We're chatting away, football, or
something and he's getting his gear off.

51
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,556
Big, hairy bloke. Nice.

52
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:09,110
So I keep talking. We're in his office.

53
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,715
He's got this cubicle,
like his own private shower.

54
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,554
Next thing, he's stark bollock naked.
Fantastic.

55
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,996
I'm still talking away like a twat
and he gets in the shower,

56
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,640
pulls the curtain, half pulls it.

57
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,359
Now, I'm twelve years old,

58
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,795
I'm thinking "aye aye".

59
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,996
So... I got in the shower

60
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,548
with all my clothes on.

61
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,596
I did.

62
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,715
I must have been scared to death...

63
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,350
but I don't remember being scared.

64
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,993
Had a good night?

65
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,355
Yeah.

66
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,791
I'm Stuart.

67
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,836
(Exasperated grunt)

68
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,071
- Got somewhere to go?
- No.

69
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,390
Wanna come back to mine?

70
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,797
I was fifteen.

71
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,996
I did it the first time I went out.

72
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,036
I'm quite proud of that.

73
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,759
I'm dead proud of that. My first time out.

74
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,149
Stuart Alan Jones.

75
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,550
He's looking down at me.
Like the face of God.

76
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,511
OK.

77
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:36,959
Bastard!

78
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,632
Oh, leave me alone.
Sod off back to the gym.

79
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,276
Nice kitchen.

80
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,551
It's great, it's really nice.
I never cook. Takeaways - that's me.

81
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,230
I'm always eating takeaways.

82
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,311
Pizza.

83
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,234
Mind you, I've gotta be careful.

84
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:49,153
I can't eat anything. I've got this thing.

85
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:53,199
It's called, like, anaphylactic shock.
Your throat swells up.

86
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:57,034
- Packet of peanuts could kill me...
- You staying out here or what?

87
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,835
We had this barbecue...

88
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,956
last summer...

89
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,835
Oh, what is he like?

90
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,718
Go... away.

91
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,834
- Nice car.
- Yeah. It's not mine.

92
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,673
- This where you live?
- Yeah.

93
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:08,275
Look, it's nice to meet you
but I'm up early tomorrow

94
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:12,911
and I was up early this morning and
I'm working shifts and I'm really tired.

95
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,276
Are we shagging, or what?
It's pissing down.

96
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,035
So what do you like doing?

97
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,236
I like watching telly.

98
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:37,279
- What do you like doing in bed?
- Er, this is fine.

99
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,196
Rimming?

100
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,475
- Yeah.
- Excellent.

101
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:54,636
Go on, then.

102
00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,154
- What'd you mean, exactly?
- (Phone)

103
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,512
Yeah?

104
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,033
No.

105
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,556
No, when?

106
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,596
When did that happen?

107
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:19,309
Why didn't you phone me?
Of course I've been out.

108
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,710
- (Stifled groan)
- Jesus Christ! Do you have to?

109
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,595
No, it's just some bloke.
What's your name?

110
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,069
- Nathan.
- Nathan, say hello to Lisa.

111
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,151
- Hello.
- So where is she now?

112
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,878
Yeah?

113
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,110
Right. Okey-doke.

114
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,880
Right, well, thanks for that.

115
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,996
Gotta go.

116
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:49,156
(* Gabrielle: Give Me A Little More Time)

117
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,231
God, you've got everything.

118
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:55,950
Manga. Me dad's into manga.
You got any porn?

119
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,998
- One or two. Yeah?
- Anything good?

120
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,230
American stuff.

121
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,909
I've got some Cadinot.

122
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,956
It's much better.

123
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,076
It's actually got a plot.

124
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,958
This one's good. Service Actif.

125
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,396
Been trying to find Service Actif Deux.

126
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,358
Apparently, it's been deleted. I can't s...

127
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,398
- Shall I put it on?
- I haven't got time, really.

128
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:27,439
Can we just get on with it?
Sorry, but it's nearly three o'clock.

129
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,432
- Fine.
- (Belt unbuckling)

130
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,954
(Phone)

131
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,077
- I'd better just...
- Can't you just leave it?

132
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,151
I've, erm...

133
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,318
- Hello?
- Vince. Emergency.

134
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,039
I need the car. It's happened.

135
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,556
No. No! When?

136
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:59,315
Hours ago. I can't believe it.
My mobile was off.

137
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,790
Who phoned you? Lisa?
What happened? Who was there?

138
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,269
There was no one there.
Just those women.

139
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,550
God.

140
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,516
Oh, my God.

141
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,840
Oh-ho-ho, my God!

142
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,280
Look, I really can't stay long.

143
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,874
Who's that? You've got someone there.

144
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:31,316
'Er, er, no, really, it's fine.'

145
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:35,313
Forget the car, we'll get a taxi.
You've copped off. That's a first.

146
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,676
No, really, really, I haven't.

147
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,279
- I'll get the car.
- 'Don't you dare.'

148
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:47,638
I'll get a cab. Shag him blind,
kick him out, I'll see you there.

149
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,678
- 'No, really, really, I... '
- (Beep)

150
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,919
It's my friend. His mother's in hospital.

151
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,036
They think it's serious.

152
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,554
- I'll have to go.
- That's a pity.

153
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,757
- I was really looking forward to that.
- Me too.

154
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,910
I'll phone you a taxi.

155
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,675
- What's happened?
- Everything.

156
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,793
I'll have to go, anyway. I've got college.

157
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,398
College... or school?

158
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,430
Sixth-form college.

159
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,440
- How old are you?
- 18.

160
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,909
What year were you born?

161
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,151
- 1981.
- Bollocks. You had to think about it.

162
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,755
No one has to think about
what year they were born.

163
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,115
How old are you?

164
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,156
16.

165
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,590
How old are you, really?

166
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,676
15.

167
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,594
(Driver) Is it on account?
(Stuart) Yeah.

168
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,069
(Vince) Where've you been?
(Stuart) Come on.

169
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,833
(Vince) You had to bring him, didn't you?

170
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,912
Oh, my God.

171
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,874
- (Baby crying)
- Oh, my God.

172
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,520
Here he is. This is him.

173
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,919
Hold his head. Careful.

174
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,757
Started this morning.
Ten o'clock tonight, there he was.

175
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:53,354
- I wanted to be there.
- No, you didn't.

176
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,556
It's like a car crash down there.

177
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:59,394
Oh, God. Funny shaped head. He's...

178
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,040
Ugly, aren't they?
He doesn't look like me.

179
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:06,193
We weren't talking about names,
because that's up to you and Romey.

180
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,919
But I just looked at him and said,
"Frederick?"

181
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,912
- I quite like it.
- What, in an ironic sort of way?

182
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,434
- Yeah.
- No, it's not ironic enough.

183
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:19,310
What about Alfred? That way, you've still
got the Fred bit. Run a check on Alfred.

184
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:23,757
Alf Roberts, Alfie, Michael Caine. Alf -
that American sitcom with the puppet -

185
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:28,152
bit dodgy. But that's forgotten by the
time he's in school. Unless it's on cable.

186
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,198
I bet they've got it on Bravo. Oh.

187
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:36,274
Alfred's the name of Batman's butler -
marvellous. Good name.

188
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,999
Alfred. What do you think?

189
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,753
- Great.
- He's mine.

190
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,990
Aren't you going to introduce us?

191
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,275
Er, what was your name again?

192
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:51,911
- Nathan.
- Oh, you've met. Lisa was on the phone

193
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,958
- when Nathan shot his load all over me.
- For God's sake.

194
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,918
Well, he did. He's 15, aren't you, Nate?

195
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,039
- You both had a child on the same night.
- He's brought the trophy cabinet.

196
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:06,511
The most important phone call of my life
and he was there. I couldn't leave him.

197
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,556
You wanted to come, didn't you?

198
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,596
Yeah.

199
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,756
Romey, what the fuck have we done?

200
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,236
Oh, shit.

201
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,755
Yes, yes, yes.

202
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,956
Take off your watch.

203
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:37,999
(Nurse) Excuse me, please.
(Porter) Mind your backs.

204
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,992
Yes, yes, yes.

205
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,719
You're good, Vince.
You'll do good things.

206
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,872
- Could you tell if I had cancer?
- Why would you have it?

207
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:52,112
- I always think I've got cancer.
- She'll love it. Yeah, thanks, bye.

208
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,636
Bloody Ken - he's sending flowers.
I should have got flowers.

209
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,792
Nathan, get some flowers,
quick as you can.

210
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:02,236
You can't use your mobile.
You'll switch off the iron lungs.

211
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,470
There's a thought - I should have a cigar.

212
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,233
You don't have to do what he says.

213
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,276
I... I don't mind.

214
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,510
I'll, erm, just get some...

215
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,670
(Low talking, coughing)

216
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,634
(Vince) Blimey, bit nippy.

217
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:02,156
Look, you can see
my mother's house from here.

218
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,634
Come on, let's go back down.

219
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,830
It's weird, isn't it?

220
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,915
I mean, he's real.

221
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,719
Just seeing him, it's like...

222
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:29,031
I dunno what it's like. I mean, it's brilliant.

223
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,350
But it's weird.

224
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,193
The most expensive wank I've ever had.

225
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,468
Oh, that's right, top yourself.

226
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:46,439
That's what they do in soaps.
Birth and death in the same episode.

227
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:50,911
Get down. You've gotta
be responsible now... dad.

228
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,717
That's it. Arms out. Titanic!

229
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,349
- King of the world!
- I'm always Kate Winslet.

230
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,193
King of the world!

231
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,916
Congratulations.

232
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:40,996
Oh, my God.

233
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,150
Vince, hard-on.

234
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,196
I have not.

235
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:49,319
I didn't know you cared. No one's
looking. Go on, get it out, get it out.

236
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:53,075
Fuck off. Six months
since I've had a shag.

237
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,230
It's like Pavlov's dogs.

238
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,834
You sad bastard.

239
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,030
- Stuart.
- Had him.

240
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,873
You're going home.
You're going to sleep,

241
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,554
you're getting up
and you're going to work.

242
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:23,191
Then, you can work hard for the next 20
years. You've got a kid to look after now.

243
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,238
Absolutely, I promise. Yes.

244
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,715
Want one?

245
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,950
All right, more for me.

246
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:42,476
Right. Nathan, let's go.
It's all getting a bit lesbian in here.

247
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,915
My waters have broken!

248
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,278
(Stuart) He's a calendar,
that kid, he's a clock.

249
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:56,512
A great big stopwatch
just staring me in the face.

250
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,955
As he gets older, that's all he can do.

251
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,918
Do you know what that means?

252
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,309
I'm getting older.

253
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,868
(Sniggers) Mind you...

254
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,077
they don't always live. (Laughs)

255
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,720
Meningitis - that's a good one.

256
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,633
(Vince) Stuart, what have you taken?

257
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,792
That's not E.
You only took it five minutes ago.

258
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,316
- What is it?
- Don't know. It was expensive.

259
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:27,075
You don't even know
what you're taking. You twat.

260
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,116
Hmm.

261
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,634
- (Horn beeps, tyres screech)
- Shit! Fuck!

262
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,108
Look, leave him alone.

263
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,316
I'll take him home.

264
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:57,635
I'm gonna fuck you. I'm gonna fuck you
all night, yeah? Is that what you want?

265
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,836
I'm taking him home.

266
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:07,109
- I'm going with him.
- Good boy. (Laughs)

267
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,356
(Nathan moaning)

268
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,476
(Gasping)

269
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,758
No one told you about that, did they?

270
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,796
That's it.

271
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,757
Slowly.

272
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,796
That's all of them.

273
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,914
All the football team.

274
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,719
All the what?

275
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,997
All of them -
naked and in shorts. (Laughing)

276
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:58,111
And the referee's going,
"Yes... yes... yes...

277
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,156
"In we go."

278
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,708
(Gasps) Slowly. Really.

279
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,394
(* Doctor Who theme)

280
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:13,672
- 'Ahh! '
- 'Die.'

281
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:17,150
- 'I will bring Sutekh's gift of death... '
...gift of death...

282
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,834
- '... to all humanity.'
...to all humanity.

283
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,309
- 'Ahh! '
- (* Doctor Who theme)

284
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,276
(Alarm bleeps)

285
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,676
(Car alarm)

286
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,150
Oi!

287
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,471
You little bastards.

288
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,028
- You poof!
- We seen you! We seen you!

289
00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,076
You fucking queer!

290
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,950
For fuck's sake.

291
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,189
- What the hell is that?
- You did this map

292
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,636
of all the places you've had a shag.
It starts out Manchester,

293
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,598
but that bit's Denmark
and then you went to New York.

294
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,514
All right, I know.
You might have stopped me.

295
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,478
I'll have to get it painted again, now. Shit.

296
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,120
It's the pens.
I've gotta get rid of the pens.

297
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,673
Right, well, gotta go.

298
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,396
God, the state of me.

299
00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:25,828
- What happened to the car?
- Vince took it.

300
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,718
- Good, he'll bring it back.
- Can I have a shower?

301
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:30,756
Hurry up, then.

302
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,273
- Oh, what is that?
- It's the Millennium Dome.

303
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:40,876
- You met that bloke...
- That wasn't ecstasy. That fucking Anita.

304
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,520
I bet she sold me
dog-worming tablets again.

305
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,034
Go on then, shower!

306
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,670
I'm such a twat. I am such a twat.

307
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:15,748
'Don't panic. It's Romey, I'm in hospital.
The contractions have started... '

308
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:17,796
Fuck, I've got a baby.

309
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,436
Why doesn't anyone stop me?
It's not my fault.

310
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,990
They should stop me.

311
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,192
Hey.

312
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:57,358
- (* Pulp: Something Changed)
- (Beeps horn)

313
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,396
He's here.

314
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,799
Oh, excellent. Well done, Vince.

315
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,031
Then don't give me the car.
I've warned you before.

316
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:19,032
- It was those kids.
- Doesn't matter. Company car.

317
00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:21,554
Now, let's get our little lad to school.

318
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:26,316
*... kiss to celebrate here today...

319
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,113
* Something changed... *

320
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,350
What's his name again?

321
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,513
(Boy) Saw him down the chippy,
and he said, "No."

322
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,114
And I said, "You did."
Just a liar, isn't he?

323
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,112
- (Girl) She went mental.
- (School bell)

324
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,236
(Chatter, indistinct)

325
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:55,158
(Vince) Pull in.
(Stuart) He's going to school.

326
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,834
- Pull in here.
- I'll take him to the door.

327
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,799
- (* Suede: Beautiful Ones)
- Stuart, they'll see the car.

328
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,836
So?

329
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,309
*... meat to the beat... *
- (Beeps horn)

330
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:10,154
* High on diesel and gasoline

331
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:15,360
* Psycho for drum machine
shaking their bits to the hits

332
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:20,798
* Oh, here they come, the beautiful ones

333
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,394
* The beautiful ones

334
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,436
* La la la la... *

335
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,636
Ooh!

336
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,075
(Boy) Is that your mum?

337
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,720
First lesson - home economics.

338
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,155
- Batty man.
- You twat.

339
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,117
(Boys puckering)

340
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,634
* You don't do without it... *

341
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,631
- Can I see you again?
- Let's just go.

342
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,359
- Can I see you again?
- You can see me now.

343
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,908
- Nathan, where've you been?
- Piss off.

344
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,560
Aw, now, your little friend.

345
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:55,155
- I could meet you tonight.
- God knows where I'll be.

346
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,357
- I could be in lpswich.
- Come on, boys, give us a kiss.

347
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:02,353
I'll give you a good fuck,
you tight little virgin.

348
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,955
We're going now, Stuart.
Just shut your face and drive.

349
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,350
- Can I see you, though?
- Oh, you'll see me all right.

350
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,476
You can't miss me.

351
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:15,795
* La la la la la

352
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:22,875
* La la, la la la-la la la-la

353
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,155
* La la la la la la

354
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,196
* La-la-la-la, la la... *

355
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,840
- (Wolf whistle)
- Who's the bloke, Maloney?

356
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,593
Your boyfriend?

357
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,716
(Boy) You poof.

358
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,479
(Boy laughing) What's he doing?

359
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,154
I was just a shag. I knew that.

360
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,515
I suppose I fell in love a bit.

361
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,149
Like you do.
I thought, "I'll never see him again".

362
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,994
How was I to know?

363
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,150
Stuart Alan Jones.

364
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,392
Six months later,
he was begging me to stay.

365
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,675
(* Air: Sexy Boy)

366
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,551
* Sexy boy

367
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,594
* Sexy boy... *

368
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,319
- The chicken has landed.
- Shit.

369
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,715
He said he loved me.

370
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:41,791
Come on up.

371
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,156
You're friends with a cunt.

372
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,674
- * Sexy boy... *
- Thought I'd get ready.

373
00:30:50,305 --> 00:30:56,725
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